Earlier on in this series, New Year’s Message, we focused on the fact that many of us who set goals failed to realize them during the previous year for one excuse or another, to which we provided certain ideas we thought will be valuable to making this year different.
However, in order for you to succeed, there are certain psychological truths we must get acquainted with; truths about concepts, which, in several instances, have most often been misunderstood. If these truths are wrongly understood, you risk giving up for the wrong reasons, but when they are put in their right perspectives, they could serve as motivating forces to cause you to want to aim higher and go further in the accomplishment of your goals.
Prominent of these are:
- The Psychology of Rejection
How many times have you felt discouraged simply because you were turned down on an offer or a sale ?– someone said “No” to a product you were offering? Most people have been so discouraged by this one word than by most other words or instances combined, and you probably may have been one of them.
For those into the sale of products and services of any kind, “No” is probably one of the words you will hear the most as you embark on your quest to fulfillment. It is commonly said that before you get a ‘Yes’, you probably will have to walk pass dozens of ‘No’s.’ Most of us, with our inability to handle rejection, often take such words in a rather negative sense while others take ‘No’ to mean their product or service is not the best and in a bid to handle the pain or avoid later instances for “humiliation”, they give up too soon and fail to try again.
But do people really mean no when they say no? Is the word “No” a bad word? I don’t think so. When someone says “No”, they, in most cases, usually mean one of two things;
I am not sure or Wait
The fact that someone said ‘No’ doesn’t actually mean they mean ‘No’. In most cases, it just means they are not quite sure whether or not they need your product or service. They haven’t quite decided yet and are indirectly asking your opinion or desiring that you convince them. At that moment, what they need is a little persuasion and convincing from you the seller. In such a scenario, taking the word in a rather negative and humiliating context and getting discouraged won’t do you any good. It most likely will instead cost you an opportunity.
Some have been told ‘No’ once and they never even bothered to ask again. Maybe they were interviewed for a job at an office they really wanted to work in and were turned down the first time. Instead of trying again they give up because they were rejected once. To tell you the truth, as long as you are still on your way up, know that you are going to be told ‘No’ many times than you would like to hear and if you keep taking the word in the wrong context, you won’t make it very far in life.
Life is full of people whose job description will be to make you be at your worst, but once you learn the motivating force behind such words, discouragement will become history to you. If something is worth fighting for, you must be willing to go back and try again.
‘No’ may just mean for you to wait, to see how well you can handle rejection. It may equally be a pause so those you went to can assess your product or service. Don’t give up simply because you were turned down once or whatever the count mat be. Move on till you get what you want. Less Brown would say; “It is not over until I win – until I get what I want.”
“No” doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with you or your product. The word ‘No’ brings down the self-esteem of many as they take it to mean something is wrong with them or their product. Well in some situations, something may actually be wrong and would need adjustments. But in most cases, ‘No’ may simply be a temporary measure to escape being pressurized into getting something. There is nothing wrong with you or your product; you just haven’t met the right buyer yet. Keep searching.
We are not saying you should become a stalker simply because you are not going to take ‘No’ for an answer. All we are saying is that ‘No’ has most often been regarded as a negative comment, which is not often the case so instead of throwing in the towel because one person gave you a cold shoulder, wipe off the moist and move ahead for better deals always lie ahead.
Once you understand what the word really means, you won’t be bothered so much by it when it is used. Imagine understanding that someone saying no actually means they are not sure. In that case, it will be easy for you to explain to them why you think they need whatever it is you are offering and in so doing, you both will most likely end up happy and even if they end up not buying from you, you remain positive that for every group of “No’s”, there always is a ‘Yes’ for you, somewhere.
It is not about the word, but about how we approach it. Why should your self-esteem be affected by rejection? Why give up because some ‘expert’ turned down your offer? Approach it differently and you will get different results and most importantly will live a life free from the agony the word has been known to inflict. There always will be a ‘Yes’ in spite of the many ‘No’s’ and in order to succeed in life, you must learn to pay less attention on what you don’t want and more attention on what you want. There is a ‘Yes’ out there, waiting for you. Stop moaning over a ‘No’ and go out there and find it.
- 2. The Psychology of Correction
How do you feel whenever you get corrected? Or when you are told what you are doing is not the best and needs a little more work? Here’s one: how do you feel when you are giving out your best and someone tells you you are off topic? Frustrated, discouraged, depressed and to a certain degree, very upset, I guess.
The problem is we have been brought up in a system that teaches us that it is wrong to fail or make mistakes, but that’s not true. We can never be perfect on our first attempt. Understanding this is key to changing your view of correction. Give in your best, but know that you hardly will get it perfectly right the first time and that is why you have others better than you or ahead of you, to help you get better.
You will seldom get it right the first time and in order to improve you will need to be corrected. You need a couple more pairs of eyes to look and tell you where you might be going wrong. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually out to help you. If your boss tells you it’s not the best, it means he or she believes you can do better. Rather than get upset, prove them right, by making improvements. If people say your product is not the best, rather than get offended, find out whether they truly are right and if you discover they are, work on that product. You will find, in the long run, that they did you a favour by attempting to call your attention to what they thought was a fault.
To many, correction lowers their self-esteem and makes them feel they are not as smart as they thought they were. But that is not the real essence of that doctrine. The real purpose of objective correction is to help improve upon the quality of whatever it is you have to offer.
Correction is a good thing. Always strive to give in your best, but know that it is okay to make mistakes and once a mistake is identified, if someone takes the time to correct you, know they are doing so solely for your good. Be open to, and embrace correction and whenever you are corrected, instead of feeling bad, just keep at the back of your mind that even those who are correcting you were once corrected. They too made mistakes and were corrected before they got to the level at which they are now. They probably produced results worst than yours, when at your level. It is a chain, it didn’t start with you and it certainly won’t end with you.
If you think you are too big to be corrected, you will fall where those who are trying to correct you fell. Pride and arrogance always comes before a fall. See correction as something positive and you will make more progress in life than you had ever thought possible.
- 3. The Psychology of People
Man’s social nature seems to be causing more harm than good. But once you understand that man’s diversity brings with it diverse behaviors and attitudes, it becomes easy to interact with them. I often say that people are not snobbish. If they are not talking to you, it’s not because they are snobbish, but because as lions in a pride, we too, as humans, all have a group of people we easily relate to.
This is just one aspect of our diverse nature. In one group you can be perceived as someone who is quite reserved, while in another group, your flamboyant nature takes effect. Why? It is human nature.
With this in mind, understand that you will come across all sorts of people. The proud, the arrogant, the ignorant who think they know it all, the bossy, bully, reserved and you name them. Such people are bound to cross your path. When they do, understand that diversity is a part of humanity and instead of getting upset, just tell yourself, they may be acting that way because you guys don’t identify in the same group. Even arrogant people have friends right? Deal with them cordially and always remember that in the end you are out to offer them something and once the deal is sealed, you never will have to see them again.
People have personalities that make them feel safe or in charge. It doesn’t mean their intention is to harm or hurt you. It’s just their personalities speaking. Learn to understand and work with their differences. Once you do this, you will avoid many unnecessary quarrels or tantrums as you advance in life.
- 4. The Psychology of Problems
We all have problems or encounter them on a daily basis. However, what matters is not the problem, but the way you handle it. Your manner of approach can either bring out the opportunity buried within or worsen the situation.
When we hear the word problems, it seems to always imply a negative situation. Something that is out to make us squirm and feel upset, but here are a few facts about problems I think we all should know:
- 1. We live in a problem ridden world. I guess what this means is everybody has problems; some might just appear more severe than others. No life is problem free.
- 2. We all have problems; some people just approach and handle theirs differently. And that makes all the difference – not how big the problem may appear to be, but how you handle it.
- 3. You are not the first to be in that particular situation. Someone has been where you are now and if they made it pass that level, you can too if you approach the problem the right way.
- 4. Problems are not always for the worst as many have thought in times past. Sometimes, they only come to reveal to us what is missing, or what needs to be changed. And in almost all cases, problems properly handled are the molders of character, tenacity, perseverance and the birthing grounds of landmark innovations.
- 5. Every Problem or “adversity” as Winston Churchill says, carries within it an equal or even greater opportunity. What this simply means is problems are like gold coated with rust and debris. Once the debris is properly wiped off, the real gem will be released.
Every problem has a solution. That is the way nature works; cause and effect, sowing and reaping, action and reaction. We just have to approach the problem differently. So instead of beating about the bush or focusing on the problem, seek to find a solution.
Always remember that there are always two approaches to every problem; one magnifies the problem bringing with it fear, worry, anxiety and frustration, while the other doesn’t make a deal of the problem, but goes out with the hope of finding a solution. The latter knows that if there is a problem, then there is a solution to that problem.
This has kept me free from anxiety and worry many times than I can count. Anytime I felt a problem trying to make me worried or anxious, I always tell myself; “If there is a problem, there’s got to be a solution – and not just any solution, but the proper solution that will end up solving the problem and teaching me something.” Immediately I say this, the anxiety dies and I am left to think clearly and to find out what that solution will be. You can try it too.
Remember that restlessness is no way to handle a problem. Remain calm and you will be able to think objectively and bring out the opportunity in that adversity.
Once these psychological thruths are assimilated and put to practice, you can be sure that your results in life will change for the better. But again, it is all left to you. If you do nothing, don’t expect anything to change.
Change is an important facet of every life. Without it man can’t boast of advancement in any domain, of any sort. Those void of it remain in their initial states all the days of their lives. The funny thing about change is; if nothing changes, nothing changes.
“If nothing changes, nothing changes.”